A sense of being rejected

  I often sense a boundless optimism when I get accepted. My horizon widens, my vision inflated, and my dream being about to be actualised. No matter what kind of acceptance I get. From my boss, my colleagues, my beloved partner, my parents, even my dog! Then it occurred to me.. I do feel depressed when I get rejected. From job application, from my colleagues, my ex-partner, and.. even my dog! I feel a strong sense of pessimism and bottomless depression. So common. Bites me! I have realised that the year 2015 has not been the kindest to me, where I positively confirm that I have been rejected twice - primarily job applications. I would love to conceal this disappointment and bitterness in being a jobless status without a clear timeline. But I can't. I just can't. I am depressed. I feel rejected. I look like a dorky miserable woman in the mirror. Shit. Now that I start a small consultancy, I thought my feeling would lighten up a bit but it actually stays where it is. Same desperation, same misery. Ah well.. Hope it gets better soon. In fact, I have been saying this for like.. 2 months now. Shit again.

- April, 2015